My Good Job

I got an award the other day. It was for 'Excellent Cashiering'.

I must be doing something right!

And the weird thing I noticed this morning? Even though I get at least one customer a day who's rude and shitty and really pisses me off...I really like my job. Go figure.

Catch-22

Okay, so my welfare worker needs me to come in and sign some papers.

The hours that the welfare office is open are the same hours that I am at work.
After my worker spent weeks whining and bitching that I "needed to be self-sufficient" and that "getting a job is the best thing that you can do for you and your family", she would like me to take time off of work to come sign papers.

And yes, it gets even better, that time away from work will count against me, as I have a minimum number of hours I am supposed to be at work!
What the fuck???!!
I called her and left a message (as it was after hours, the only free time I have to make a phone call) for her to mail me the papers, and I would mail them back.
No response. No mail.
So, she either
a) doesn't know how to use an envelope and stamp OR
b) she's just a power-tripping bitch

Hmmm....I vote for the...well, actually, it might be a tie.

Didn't You Used To Be That Fat Girl?

Somehow, the subject of size came up between me and another cashier today. After mentioning that a few months ago I weighed about 50 lbs. more than I do now, she said,
"Nuh-uh! You used to be heavy?!"

Oh, bless you, Jessica! What sweet music to my ears. I have been waiting for the day where I was no longer "That Fat Girl".

"Used to be heavy..."

Ahhh...

The sweet, sweet solitude when the children are at school. The possibilities are many...
I couldwatch a violent "mommy movie".

I could take a bath. By myself. No little voices asking, "Mommy, what are you doing in there? Mommy, can we come in? Mommy, do you want to play with my Bathtub Dora? Mommy, how come you get bubbles?"

I could do some scrapbooking without worrying about little hands taking my glue, or markers, or stickers! "Unh! Mommy, I want a pony sticker too!!"

I could do something productive, like clean the bathroom. But really, I have this wonderful time alone, why would I want to spend it cleaning the bathroom?

Ooh, I could take a nap...
...
...yup. That's it!

Things I Didn't Say Today at Work

"Dumb bitch."

"Oh yeah, it's really amusing when I ask for your ID and you say 'No'."

"Why in the hell are you a head cashier?"

"Have a nice day, asshole!"

"Oh, I'm not fast enough for you? Too fucking bad."

"Please, allow me to stop walking so you and your cart can get through, but then go ahead and park it right in front of me. That's a sport."

"In the lumber aisle, you moron."

"Yeah, maybe if that store came to this town, you'd shop there and leave me the hell alone."

"Gee, you want to pay for an eight dollar purchase with a one hundred dollar bill? And you wonder why I have to call for change? Thanks a fucking lot!"

"Lady, I've already called for a lot attendant! Fercryinoutloud, give them a couple of minutes to get here."

Boozin' It Up

I have never gone shopping while intoxicated. I asked my friends, "Do you go shopping drunk?" Negative answers ensued.
I am so surprised by the drunken morons I see where I work. Okay, well, I've only seen three, but that's averaging to about one per week.
I think they're just being kinda' weird, you know? Dorky, trying to hard with the jokes, maybe a a speech impediment (??), that sort of thing. Then they get a little closer to me and speak, and I almost keel over from the alcohol fumes!!
But the saddest part of this whole thing? When they're done shopping, they get into their cars and drive away. Drunk. It makes me sick...

Gone In Sixty Seconds

Okay, it took a few hours, much longer than sixty seconds. My kids are all set for school, clothes-wise, that is. They are going to look so cute! I swear, it's almost like playing with dolls. I tell them what to put on, and they're so excited about all this new cute stuff, they put it on and prance around like little supermodels. Freakin' adorable I tell you.
I was thrifty at first. I went to a cute little resale store in town, and bought a bunch of stuff for $45. There was no fitting-room, so I made the girls try stuff on behind a chair. We were the only customers in the store, so the kids didn't freak out too much. The lady who owned the shop gave me a funny look, but I told her I wasn't buying anything unless it was tried on, due to a 'No Refunds' policy.

Then we went to Target, where I started out very annoyed by the security guard checking out my girlfriend, but I got over it two hundred dollars and ninety three cents later.
A quick $37 dollars at JC Penneys and a $20 stop at Claire's Boutique, and all was done!

Whew, am I tired! And you know something? I think I enjoy shopping for my children more than for myself...maybe.

People Suck

Have I mentioned that I hate people? Sheesh, there are some mean ones out there!

I am just a freakin' cashier, okay? I don't order merchandise, I don't have any control over what's in stock, I don't have another option if the department head doesn't answer their phone. I have to have a price tag, I cannot just take your word for it and type in whatever you say it costs. Oh, there's no tag, but you remember that it was forty-eight cents? Good for you, now I need a godamn tag.

I just fucking work there. I do what I'm told.
"Yes sir, it is hot in here." You're only the hundredth person to tell me that.. "No ma'am, I cannot call any other cashiers." It's our only job, if we're in the building, we're here. "Have a nice afternoon!" I am not your sweetie/babe/honey or darlin'.

Oh, and it sure is a fucking laugh when I ask to see your ID and you wave it under my nose, back and forth-back and forth. You may think it's funny, but you're really just being an asshole.

Once again...

it is payday! Damn, I love how that happens every two weeks. Although I was a little upset that it wasn't direct-deposited like they promised. But I got over it.
So I can't write right now. I'm online shopping. Why?
Because I can.

Shoo Fly! No, wait...

It's not a fly! It's...lice. Yes. My oldest daughter was visiting with her father a few weeks ago. When she came home, she had forgotten her bike, jacket, insurance card, and allergy medication...but not to worry! She brought back head lice! Luckily and believe me, I'm thanking a higher power on this one nobody else got it. So I have spent the last few days picking nits out of hair from a head that is entirely too sensitive!!
And I did a really shitty thing. My daughters were supposed to go camping with their father and his new wife. Aside from the fact that they were going to be gone for two weeks, which is a little long for a four-year-old to be gone from Mom with a guy(Dad) she's seen maybe seven times, I was ok with it.
But the girls did not want to go. I don't know why. I acted excited about it, told them they'd have a great time, blah blah blah. They just didn't want to go! My oldest told me that her dad hurts her feelings, because he "emotionally manipulates" her. I swear, that's what she said. She's eight! No eight year old should ever feel the need to say something like that. I told them that it was only for two weeks, they'd make it through. And then, the night before he was supposed to pick them up, I found the head lice.
I told him that they weren't going camping.
He was pretty pissed off. Most likely still is, haven't heard from him. But he has a right to be. And I feel like such a total shit for doing that.
I couldn't let her go off for two weeks with bugs in her hair, I just couldn't. He told me that he would take care of it, but you know what? This is a man who sent his daughter home from her visit with postcards and letters she'd written but never sent because he couldn't find a stamp.
If he can't procure a stamp, how in the hell was he going to deal with nits the size of a pin-head?
I had my reasons and I can sit here and justify it all fucking night if I want to...but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like such a bitch for it. Did I abuse my powers of Mom? School starts in two weeks, and my oldest daughter's cheerleading practice starts too. Both have a "No Nit Policy". These day-today activities take precedence over a guy who sees them twice a year. I knew he wouldn't have taken care of the problem, it would have been mine to deal with later.
And later wasn't effing good enough! See, calming down, language censored...
On a lighter note, I was thinking about school starting. My girlfriend's daughter will be in kindergarten, and mine will be in third grade and preschool. So I added all the food that they get at school up...lessee, that's 25 meals a week they won't be eating at home. Twenty-five!! I might actually have a remaining balance on my food stamp card at the end of the month! Bless that government school food program.