Don't Say These Things To Your Cashier

If your cashier is standing by a big roll-up door and looks to be a bit chilly, don't say,
"Gee, you must have the cold spot!"
No shit buddy, you're only the hundredth person to say that to me.

If there is no tag on the item that you are purchasing, or the item just won't scan, don't say,
"Gee, I guess it must be free!"
Yeah, because I just give stuff away.

When you hand your cashier a one hundred dollar bill and she uses a counterfeit marker on it, don't say,
" I hope it passes, I just printed them up this morning!"
Everyone says this. You are not original. You are not funny.

When your cashier hands you your change and there happens to be two pennies with it, don't say,
"Heh heh, I guess I'll put my two cents in!"
Take yourself away from my register before I beat you.

When your cashier asks you if you're using a credit card or a debit card, don't say,
"Well it all comes out of the same account, why does it matter?"
It freakin' matters okay? I have to check ID with credit and I don't if it's debit! Do you think I'm just interested in what you have in your wallet?!

When you roll your cart up to the register and you have a child in it, don't ask,
"How much for the kid? We found him out back."
Please, joke about selling and buying children. That's funny.

And finally, don't say "Oh, I'll bet when [enter name of competitor's store here] gets to town, things will shape up here! You'll be sorry!"
Sir. Ma'am. They pay me to stand here and take your money. I have no loyalty to this particular company. Believe me, if the other company pays better, you'll see me there.