The Other Morning: A Story

There once was a woman who had a very small bladder. In the early mornings, she was often awakened by her bladder yelling at her to get up. Rather than get out of her nice warm bed for three minutes and then fall back asleep, the woman would lie there uncomfortably, alternating between sleep/half-sleep while thinking about getting up and peeing...but not actually doing it. (You want to yell at her, don't you? "Just get up dammit!")

Last week the woman caught a cold. She was congested and sneezy, coughing and fighting for breath, green snot was everywhere. Along with this illness came uncontrollable sneezing attacks, prone especially when the woman first awoke and was entering the bathroom. These attacks could go on for seven, eight sneezes at a time!

And so it happened. One morning, after an especially incommodious pre-dawn, the woman tiptoed out of the bedroom and into her bathroom. As the sneezing began, it was all she could do to grab for tissue as the warm streams filled her sweatpants.