I'm Awake Godammit

I love the weekends and the weekends love me. What did I get done this weekend?
Lessee....got home from work about 5pm Friday. Crawl to bed, sleeeeeeep until Satuday morning 9am. I get up, manage to stay awake until 11am. Then sleep some more. In fact, I sleep until Sunday morning. (There are intermittant periods of peeing during all this, don't worry. I do have to pee quite frequently.)
What are the children doing all this time while I'm passed out? I don't know, I'm sleeping, okay?
So on Sunday I wake up at 10am and take the girls to get doughnuts. Yum, doughnuts, back in bed at 1pm, sleep until late Sunday evening, when I get up to eat a sandwich and some crackers. And then some TUMS, because everything I eat gives me heartburn.
Back to sleep until Monday morning, 'bout 10:30am. I get up, manage to make it to WalMart with the girls to buy shaving cream and pencils. While I'm there, I buy bread and milk and cereal, because I know that this is my only trip to town I have energy for, so I better make it worthwhile. I buy some Smarties too. What the heck.
I manage not to crawl back to bed until 2:00pm. And I sleep. And I sleep. I wake up at 5:30pm, throw the take-n-bake pizza in the oven (which I also had gotten in town. How resourceful I am.) and feed the children.
I then sit in a fog on the couch, feeling like crap, because that's how I feel all. the. time. Fiance asks me when I'm going to the doctor because "this sleeping thing is not normal." Getting up to get a drink, my mother confronts me with questions about when I'm going to the doctor, because "this sleeping thing is not normal." They're in cahoots. And I'm just fucking tir--
-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.