Welfare Rules

1. Don't offer to show me your hideous oozing smelly gaping wound. I know you need to see a doctor. You wouldn't be here just for fun. Don't show me, it won't make your case go any faster.

2. Don't offer to show me your tattoos. Yes, I know I have tattoos, and under other circumstances I would love to discuss body art, but please don't start unbuckling your belt while asking me if I want to see something. This will make me panic and call Security.

3. Turn off your fucking cell phone. I don't have time for you to answer personal calls. Why would you want to tell everybody who calls you that you're at the welfare office?

4. Your screaming child is not my problem. It is your problem. Ignore them, go ahead. However, I will remember you and your little monster, and I will make a note in your case for the next worker that reads "Children not welcome at interview."

5. Remember what you told the previous worker just a month ago. Everything you told them is in the case. I know what you said, and changing your story and blatantly lying about it is going to get you one thing...I'm gonna' send Fraud out on you just because I can.

Follow these simple Welfare Rules and we'll all get along that much better.