My last relationship wasn't so great. Hex did a lot for me. The bedroom activities were very nice. She tried to keep the house clean, she took care of the kids, cooked breakfast and dinner, made me lunch, she'd give me a backrub every night. In most ways, I had it made. I know what you're thinking, "How were things not so great?" I started thinking yesterday...about how controlling I was. Everything in my life has to be scheduled. I like order amongst the chaos.
I realized that throughout my relationship with Hex, I was very demanding about who she was. And Hex, having the emotional issues that she has, went along with it. I didn't like her smoking, so I bugged her until she stopped. I didn't like it when she wore boy's clothing, so I bugged her until she changed the way she looked. In my mind, I was helping her. But really what I was doing was trying to change her. I didn't like who she was, so I tried to change her into who I wanted her to be. Then we both just ended up not liking each other.
I have come to see some things a little more clearly lately. In order to fully love somebody, I have to love all parts of them. I can't just take the parts I like and then change the ones I don't like. Oh, and here's the kicker: Nobody will ever be perfect.
I was sitting here, making up lists of how I wanted my next love to be, what characteristics and traits I wanted her/him to have, until it hit me yesterday...no one is going to have all of these things. If I keep up the quest for The Perfect Someone, I am going to be disappointed. That Perfect Someone does not exist. And if by chance, there is someone who meets all of my specifications, who's to say that won't just piss me off after a while? How much fun can a perfect person be, anyways?
I have come to realize that I can love someone who is not perfect. Bad things happen to good people. So if I find somebody who doesn't own a car right now, or has bad credit, that is not going to ruin thier chances forever. After all, I've had to walk because I didn't have a car. I have bad credit, and I'm a good person. So he/she has a bad habit. Who doesn't??? I have lots of bad habits! I pee in the shower (mostly for convenience, really.) I am cluttered. I crunch ice. If someone tried to change me, I'd tell them to take a hike.
I will stop being so goshdarn picky. I will let the little things stop bothering me so much. And I will love the way love was meant to be, freely and without strings.