Friday, August 31, 2007

Lost Soles

When I am driving and I pass a random shoe on the side of the road, I wonder how it got there. Why is it just lying there? How does one lose just one shoe on the side of the road?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Sun'll Come Out....

Tomorrow I get an ultrasound to see the baby. I know it won't look like a baby. A blob, with a heartbeat. It'll be smashing good fun though.

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

The emotional ups and downs of pregnancy are pretty sneaky. One minute, I'm fine. Happy yay look at the pretty sparkles of life...and the next mintue, I don't feel well, I'm crying and an emotional wreck. What am I crying over? Who knows? I cried last night because we needed to go to Home Depot and it was late and...well, that's it. I just started crying over nothing. I wasn't tired, I had just woken up from a five-hour nap!

Fiance cannot handle this emotional trainwreck that I call 'First Trimester Train'. He gets this look in his eyes, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car. He can see what's coming, and he's helpless to stop it. He gets nervous and panicky and does the wrong thing to stop the crying. If he would gather me up in a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay (it doesn't matter if he doesn't know what I'm crying about, because I don't know either) then I would get it out of my system (at least for the next thirty minutes) and be allright. But he doesn't. I'm not above asking for a hug if I need one, don't get me wrong. But him commenting on what he has to look forward to for the next eight months while backing away down the hallway is not helping me handle this very well.

In my previous pregnancies, in the first trimester, sex is good and fun and muti-orgasmic. Not so this time, not so. Leave me alone, get away from me, not interested, no way huh-uh. This is making Fiance somewhat grumpy, and combined with all of the crying, I feel bad for the guy. But not bad enough to do something about it, because I feel like crap.

Crap crap crap.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

A Little Bit Pregnant

BrokeMom is pregnant. (Don't you love it when I type in third person?)
It wasn't an accident. It wasn't on purpose. Oh no, the flashing sticker dream was...what, a premonition?
Let's call it a surprise. Which we were, Fiance and I. Very very surprised. I still don't know how I feel about it. Starting over, now? Little J is six, Big J is almost eleven! To start over now, with the diapers and the feeding and the crap that babies seem to accumulate! Am I crazy?
Don't answer that.
The sleepness nights, preschool and kindergarten and learning to read and tie shoes, hell, first he or she will have to walk and talk!
I am very overwhelmed right now. Luckily, the J's are camping with their father right me time to absorb the whole situation with minimum interuptions.
I am crazy. But I cannot honestly say that I don't want this baby. I want this baby with all my heart.