Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Use Your Effing Listening Ears!

My children do not listen to me.
They will not clean their room. I tried asking. Pleading. Bribing. Yelling.
Do I have to cry? Refuse to buy them things if they don't clean? Can I withhold dinner until it's clean?
Where is the handbook on this stuff??!!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

More Ani

"every angle"

i'm imagining your frame
every angle
and every plane
i'm imagining your smell
the one that mingled with mine
once upon a time
thoughts of you
are picketing my brain
they refuse
to work such long hours without rest
in unstable conditions at best
they're out there every day
holding up there signs
and thoughts of no other one but you
could possibly get through
the picket lines
to enter into my mind

i'm imagining your laugh again
the one you save for your family
and your very close friends
i'm imagining the way you say my name
i don't know when
i'm going to hear it again
my friends can't tell
my laughter from my cries
someone tell this photograph of you
to let go of my eyes

i'm imagining your frame
i'm imagining your smell
i'm imagining your laugh again
and the way you say my name

Someone Was Very Bored

Thank-you to Colby, who shared this with the group.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Needing a Cuddle Call

I am a girl who just plain likes to fuck. Simple as that. I enjoy sex, I am open with what I want, when and how I want it, and who I want it from. Hex and I have been broken up for about two months now. I've only been with one person since her. Strangely, at this point in my life, I am not craving sex. (Yearning? Jonesing?)I already went through that phase a few weeks ago, I think.
I am craving the cuddling. I don't need a booty call, I need what my friend K calls a "cuddle call". I miss the holding and wrapping my arms around someone. I miss burying my face into good-smelling hair, and I miss stretching my leg out under the covers and touching someone else's leg. I miss sliding my hand under the pillow and touching someone else's hand . It's not about anything sexual, it's just about the closeness with someone. But I don't think I could cuddle with just anyone, they would have to mean more to me than just sex. And if I had to choose between a relationship and a fuck, I would choose the latter. But that means I get no cuddles.


I was listening to an older Ani Difranco cd on my way home from work, and these lyrics just spoke to me. It's from the song called "work your way out".

" i wonder what you look like
under your t-shirt
i wonder what you sound like
when you're not wearing words
i wonder what we have
when we're not pretending"

So I'll just go and reflect upon that for a little bit.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

What's the Matter With Kids Today?

My nine year old daughter listens to some wierd music. There's this CD by these two chicks, Ally and AJ? Somethin' like that. She begged me to listen to it in the car while driving to school one morning, and I agreed. Basically, I heard your basic Disney-pop-wannabe-candycoated-drivel, but two songs stuck out. The first, and I don't know what it is called, was about this girl singing to her guy about leaving her alone and not suffocating the relationship too much, which, don't get me wrong, is a great idea. I want my daughter to know that's she can tell some guy to back off and it's okay. But come on! What kind of songs was I listening to at nine or ten? We'll get into that in a sec...
The second song was a remake of "Walking On Sunshine", which, when I was five years old, was my favorite song in the whole wide world. No contest. I had a copy of the song on a tape and I carried it around in my little brown Fisher-Price cassette recorder. I listened to it all the time. Until an unfortunate incident with a garage sale, but that's too painful to talk about right now. Anyhow, my youngest daughter (who is almost five) absolutely loves this song. And it makes me smile.
Songs I listened to when I was nine or ten? Lessee...
"Straight Up" by Paula Abdul.
"Love Shack" by the B-52s
"The Look" by Roxette
"Cold Hearted Snake" by Paula Abdul
"Like A Prayer" by Madonna

Do any of these songs talk about waiting and not getting too serious and backing off? Hmmm....straight up, do you really wanna' love me forever? Or am I caught in a hit-and-run? The love shack is a little-known place where we can get together. Bang! Bang! On the door, baby! Fire in the ice, naked to the T-bone Is a lover's disguise, banging on the head drum Shaking like a mad bull, she's got the look. He's a cold-hearted snake, look into his eyes...oh oh, he's been tellin' lies. When you call my name it's like a little prayer, I'm down on my knees I wanna' take you there.
1989 was a fun year, I tell you what.

Oh Lolli Lolli Lolli

When we moved into our new apartment we had to leave our cat. Well, we didn't leave him, we gave him to my mom. We miss him a lot, but that is another story. As a result of this "no cat policy" in our new apartment, wracked with guilt, I promised my little munchkins a little sumpin-sumpin.
A fish tank. An aquarium. A water-filled container with slimy aquatic creatures in it. Fun!
It is now time to purchase said tank and fish. My youngest daughter wants your basic goldfish. Cool. Easy to flush, easy to replace. (Was that out loud?)
I told her that we would also get a "sucker fish" to eat the stuff on the bottom of the tank. So she called her grandma today and said, "Gramma, I am getting a goldfish and a lollipop fish!"
I wonder what flavors those come in...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My Dirty Little Secret

My daughter won first prize for her science fair project. We did this project at the last minute. The results on which battery lasted the longest? Lies.
All lies.
I ran out of time and made it up. Like a single mom with a full-time job and two kids has the time to sit around and watch which battery lasts longer?? Fercryinoutloud!

So when you hear through the grapevine that a certain type of battery lasts longer than another, keep in mind that this data might have possibly come from a nine year old and her very busy, very stressed out science-fair hating mom.

How Old Is Harry Potter, Anyway?

My youngest said the cutest thing tonight. I let them watch the new Harry Potter movie before bed. I went in the bedroom to see how they were doing, and in all seriousness she says, "I don't like that Waldemo. He's bald. And sliiiiimy."
Good to know she's not attracted to slimy bald men.

Young and Toothless

My stepdaughter (Hex's daughter) lost her very first tooth today. Here we are, holding up her tooth in a plastic baggie...

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Promised Bar Pictures

Here I am at the bar on my birthday. Note the green tongue from all the green drinks. Why is my mouth open? I was telling K, "Hey, don't take my picture!" In the second picture you can tell I'm getting pretty sloshed. I look very content. I no longer cared about my picture being taken. See the two straws in front of me? Those are both mine.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

In My Garden

So, remember that county job that I was interviewing for? Depending on my drug test results and background check, I got it.
I fucking got it!
Weekends off. No early mornings. No evenings. Double the income. Benefits. Need I say more?

Tequila Poppers at the Mexican Restaurant

This was the dinner part of my 27th birthday. That's half of my friend Laura in the green shirt. My kids were there, as were my mom, my dad, my brother, and my friend K.

I am thinking while this is being taken, "Oh my god I can't believe they are making me wear this stupid hat."

So after dinner we got to drink tequila poppers and yell, "Yee-haw!" And my mom got all teary because she was afraid I was going to drive drunk. And my brother was happy because, as he said, "You finally found yourself a man, huh? Good for you!" He was never okay with me being with a girl. And my dad was just tickled because he got to sit next to my mom during dinner, because he's totally still in love with her, even though he's married to somebody else.

Then my friends and I went to the bar (bar pics to come). My rule was I could only drink green drinks. But eventually the green drinks and all the cigarette smoke, not to mention the slutty-hoochie-bitches jampacked into one small room just made the night very distasteful. So I came home with my friends and we drunk-cell dialed people and ate cake while watching 'Dude, Where's My Car'.

Happy Birthday to me!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Dinner and Nothing

I met an old friend for dinner tonight after I got a tattoo. Okay, so he's actually an ex-boyfriend. This is the first boy who, at 15 years old, I really enjoyed sex with. The first person I can say I was honestly in love with.We hadn't seen each other in about ten years. Somehow we got to emailing each other, and then calling, and then dinner. And then nothing. It was strange, seeing him after all this time. He sounds the same, but older. He looks the same...just older. I realized that we had a lot of good memories together, and that makes me happy.
A new tattoo, and old friend, a pitcher of margaritas....what else could a girl ask for?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Last Night

My friend K is staying at my house for a while while she leaves her icky husband. I have known her since we were eleven years old, we grew up like sisters, so I let her sleep in my bed with me. That, and she has a bad back, and I don't want to hear her bitch all day about her pain level.
So, last night I awake at some crazy AM hour to her hand grabbing my breast! K was completely asleep, and she must have dreaming about something really good. I said, "Hey, what are you doing?" She snored and rolled over.
So I asked her this morning, "Hey, do you remember grabbing my boob last night?"
K says, "Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to!!"

I really want to know what that dream was about.

Let Your Fingers Do The Walking

If I were bored and stoned, this is what I would do with candlewax and a marker...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

My Saline Ocean

I miss her skin when I used to put my cold hands against it after work.
I miss her stories about her day. (Probably lies, but not the point.)
I miss wrapping my arms around her in the middle of the night.
I miss the way her hair smells.
I miss her kisses, I miss making love with her.
I miss having somebody to tell secrets to.
I miss always having somebody to talk to.
I miss having a best friend.

Tidbits About BrokeMom

Here are some more things you might not know about me...

I love the smell of Vicks Vapo-Rub. Absolutely freakin' love it. I would smell it all the time if I could.

I harbor a teeny tiny interest in auditioning for American Idol. My daughters say I would make it. And a nine and four year old know that kind of stuff. Really.

I never wear matching socks. Just can't do it.

I have my own method of organization, which is unknown to anyone else. Nobody gets it. But I can usually find exactly what it is I'm looking for. Unless, of course, I forget where it is. Which is not being unorganized. That's just forgetful.

After I cry about a former love, I get the urge to clean something. I cry and then I clean.
My garage is organized now. Amazing. I should be sad more often.

Daisies are my most favorite flower.

Wheat Thins with peanut-butter and a dab of honey is a most tasty snack.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Science Fair Fun

Third graders get to do science fair projects. As if I don't have enough to do, but whatever. My daughter's project is, "Which Battery Will Last the Longest?"
Energizer, Duracell, or Eveready?
She thought this was dumb. I thought it would be easy. Mom wins.
I had to act all excited and say, "No, honey, people really want to know which battery works the best! Think of all those parents out there who will now, thanks to your extensive research, be able to choose the best value for their hard-earned money!"
No, we're not growing sugar crystals. No, we're not popping corn. We're not allowed to build vocanoes. (Since when was building a volcano not educational??!!)
We're watching batteries.
I'll let you know the exciting results. It's your hard-earned money, after all.

Don't Say These Things To Your Cashier

If your cashier is standing by a big roll-up door and looks to be a bit chilly, don't say,
"Gee, you must have the cold spot!"
No shit buddy, you're only the hundredth person to say that to me.

If there is no tag on the item that you are purchasing, or the item just won't scan, don't say,
"Gee, I guess it must be free!"
Yeah, because I just give stuff away.

When you hand your cashier a one hundred dollar bill and she uses a counterfeit marker on it, don't say,
" I hope it passes, I just printed them up this morning!"
Everyone says this. You are not original. You are not funny.

When your cashier hands you your change and there happens to be two pennies with it, don't say,
"Heh heh, I guess I'll put my two cents in!"
Take yourself away from my register before I beat you.

When your cashier asks you if you're using a credit card or a debit card, don't say,
"Well it all comes out of the same account, why does it matter?"
It freakin' matters okay? I have to check ID with credit and I don't if it's debit! Do you think I'm just interested in what you have in your wallet?!

When you roll your cart up to the register and you have a child in it, don't ask,
"How much for the kid? We found him out back."
Please, joke about selling and buying children. That's funny.

And finally, don't say "Oh, I'll bet when [enter name of competitor's store here] gets to town, things will shape up here! You'll be sorry!"
Sir. Ma'am. They pay me to stand here and take your money. I have no loyalty to this particular company. Believe me, if the other company pays better, you'll see me there.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Magic 8 Ball Fun

Let us awe at the astounding answers that the Magic 8 Ball can reveal...shall we ask a question?

Do I have to go to work tomorrow? (I do.)
Magic ball says, "Concentrate and ask again."

Allright. Do I have to go to work tomorrow?
Magic Ball says, "As I see it yes."

Does my oldest daughter have pink-eye? (She is itching her eye and won't go to sleep.)
Magic Ball says, "As I see it yes."

Am I a nympho? (My friend Jessica says I am.)
Magic Ball says, "Cannot predict now."

Will I have a one-night-stand so I can finally get laid and not worry about any emotional attachments?
Magic ball says,"My sources say no."
Crap again!!

Okay, will the guy I'm seeing get out of the hospital soon?
Magic Ball says, "You may rely on it."

Yeah, but will I get some?
Magic Ball says, "YES."
That's better!

Do I look skinnier now than I did a week ago? (I've lost seven lbs.)
Magic Ball says, "It is decidedly so."
Does the Ball have eyes?

Is the next American Idol going to be a complete goober?
Magic ball says, "As I see it yes."
I knew it.

One more time. Am I a nympho?
Magic Ball says, "YES."

Monday, March 06, 2006

Liars And How I Hate Them

I hate liars. Have I ever mentioned that? Have I mentioned that Hex is a frequent offender? I found out from the old neighbors today that she never did quit smoking, like she said she did. Every time she boasted and bragged about being a non-smoker? Big. Fat. Lie. She allegedly would knock and bum a cigarette from them and smoke it behind the garage. The neighbor told me that sometimes they wouldn't answer the door because they knew it was her, and they didn't like her. I had no idea about any of this. So every time I would respond to her comments like, "I've been a nonsmoker for one year now! Aren't you proud of me?" I was responding to a lie.
All of my, "Oh honey, I'm so proud of you!" replies were to lies.
I feel used, but I should be used to it. I should have expected it. The girl cannot tell the truth. So I am going to stop feeling woe about the break-up. Because frankly, I'm glad I got out when I did.

Random Thoughts At Work

They need to change the name of permanent markers because I know of at least two substances that can remove "permanent" ink.

Just because I work in a building supply store doesn't mean that I know how to build stuff. I am a cashier. If I knew how to build this shit you're asking about, trust me...I wouldn't be here.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Bored At Work With A Measuring Tape

My counter, from diagonal corner to corner is 4 feet 4.5 inches long.
Lengthwise, it is 4 foot 1/2 inches long. It's 1 foot 9 inches wide.

A giftcard is 3.5 inches long.

My black shoe is 11 inches long.

Fascinating, isn't it?

I called down to the return counter where my friend Jessica was. She was sorting gift cards and looking at the black circles under her eyes.

This is what we do at 7am when it's raining and nobody is shopping.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

My Ass

It's getting bigger. So I'm doing Atkins again.
Meat. Chicken, pork chops, bacon, ham, steak.
Eggs and cheese.
More meat.
Carb bars.
Peanuts and almonds.
Water, Crystal Light, and Diet Pepsi.

That's it. But my scheduled cheat day is my birthday, the seventeenth. That's the day where I'm going to get shit-faced and eat cake. Not neccessarily in that order, however.

Want Sum

I am going through sex withdrawals. It is not fun, nope nope.
See, after Hex, there was this guy. I really should say, there is this guy. But last week he was in a motorcycle accident, and he is in the hospital with six broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and a broken ankle. Oh, he'll be fine.
But I miss the sex.
I am going crazy.
Which is silly, because it's just sex. Right? Maybe I am missing the closeness of someone. Whatever, I am not going to psychoanalyze myself right now, I just want an orgasm.