Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Tears Of A Clown

My friend K makes me listen to sad sad songs on the stereo. She says to me, "Well, if you don't want to be sad, then don't listen to them!"
But she doesn't realize that when she plays them in the living room, I can hear. Even if I cannot hear the words, I can hear the beat, so then I know what song it is, and I get sad.
Why do I get sad, do you ask?
Well, if you'd been reading this regularly, you'd know.
You'd know that I'm lonely for someone to want me. To think I'm beautiful. Someone to just want to be around me.
Or maybe you'd have to read between the lines to figure that out.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I have no one else to tell. I cry at night, every night. Every morning I wake up with a pounding headache and a stuffy nose from all the tears.
I cry when a sad song comes on the radio. I have decided that I'm going to buy waterproof mascara, because I'm so damn sick of being blinded, while driving, by my eye makeup running into my eyes.
I'm just so fucking lonely.
I will probably delete this in a day or two, because even to myself I sound pathetic. Pitiful.

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