Monday, April 02, 2007

Push It Down, Way Down Inside

I can't help it. There are certain people who I don't get along with. Not just me, anyone. Everyone! Every day we encounter someone who irritates us for one reason or another, be it subconcious or known. At a restaraunt, the gas station, grocery stores. Welfare offices.
I have to be impartial. I cannot be judgemental. I pride myself on being compassionate and non-biased, full of empathy. Not sympathy, empathy. Fiance says I'm naive. I won't deny it. I might see the world rose-tinted, but I'm not as naive as one might think. My sagacity is a glorious site to behold sometimes.
I can feel however I like on the inside. I wouldn't say that I've become any more hardened...mayhaps a bit more jaded, is all.
I'm getting off track here. Main point? Some people irritate the everloving crap out of me. Some people know how to bend the rules, work the system to their advantage. Don't get me wrong, I am a full supporter of universal healthcare and I'd like to think that no child ever goes hungry, but that's not the case. I do not agree with all of the rules set by the government, beit local or federal, but they are there for a reason. Some of them are absolutely fucking moronic regulations, there's no other way to say it. But along with the "users" come the "needy"...but we're all needy sometimes, aren't we? For something?
Every day I deny the cases of people, families, who were desperate enough to walk into the welfare office tell a complete stranger everything about their lives, income-resources-ss numbers-work history, and in return you'll give them something. Not something for nothing, never that. Some of you know the steady resolve of having to sit in that interview cubicle facing that welfare stand in that winding line of dirty screaming toddlers and hungry looking faces. Can anyone value the price of that?
I try my hardest to get every case granted. To deny what they beg for, whether it's food or medical care, is not in my nature to rejoice over. But sometimes...sometimes, a person will bug me so much, for whatever reason, that I do feel a little bit glad when I deny their cases. Usually it is because they're lying and couldn't provide proof of what I'm asking for, or what they're telling me doesn't match what proof I've got. I feel a little satisfaction...we'll call it justice.
I can never show it on the outside to a client, and I can tell them with a clear conscious I did everything I could legally to "make it work". But maybe that little flare of gladness just serves to remind me that I'm not yet too welfare-world-weary.

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