Saturday, October 04, 2008

Eight Things I Don't Like

1. Hummis
I think hummis tastes yucky. I had a friend whose mother made it for a dinner party when we were twelve. Bleh! Or was that curry? No matter, I don't like curry either.

2. Hermit Crabs
These things freak me out. Seriously freaky icky creepy-crawly goosebump type of freaky. I hate the way the legs/claws poke out of the shell when you pick them up, I hate the way they crawl along the bottom of their home. I know they are harmless. I am not a squeamish woman. I like snakes and spiders, mice and fuzzy kittens. Oh wait, who doesn't like fuzzy kittens?

3. Hands-free Cell Phone Devices
I bought a Bluetooth compatable device when the new cellphone law went into effect. I got the salesman to turn it on and mess with my phone and make it "go". I haven't used it at all, but only because I couldn't get the damn thing to stay on my ear. Were my ears mutated? They must be, I've been trying to get it to stay on my ear since July! J1, in all her infinite tween wisdom, showed me how to wear the damn thing in the car the other day. I was doing it all wrong. And it took an eleven year old to show me.

4. HandJobs
No, wait. I don't mind those. I was just on an "H" kick.

5. Fast Food Restaurants That Charge You For Condiments
I get endless joy from making the drive-thru workers at Wendy's run my card again for the measly THIRTY-TWO CENTS they charge me for a sweet and sour sauce. The ELEVEN CENTS at the McDonalds. The world will be a sad, sad place when Taco Bell starts charging for mild sauce. It's coming...

6. Commercials That Get Louder
I'm watching a show at perfect volume. Then a commercial blasts onto screen and I have to scramble for the remote to lower the volume, which means when the show comes back on, the volume is all fucked up. Doesn't my television have a setting for this?

7. When My Children Play the Wii
I don't actually mind that they play it, I just dislike the "ohmygod she told us to wear the wriststrap again" look that they give me. If the damn remote flies into the tv, I will be pissed. It will only take one time.

8. Hazelnut Coffee Creamer
Hey, another "H" item. Coffee creamer that tastes lik nuts is yucky. Nutty. You know what I mean, don't pretend as though you don't.

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