I'm getting married on July 12th, 2007. I would really like to get married October 22nd. But I'm wanting a more "outdoorsy" thing, so October is kinda' chilly. Not that 115-degree heat in July is much better. But July 12th is the day we met, so we though it would be (gag) cute if we got married (retch) then.
The thought of getting married is exciting. The thought of a wedding scares the shit out of me. People watching me, wanting to talk to me, being the center of attention...sharing that moment with extra extra people...I don't know if I want that. I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
After my first marriage, when Ex and I were separated and living in different states, I was with Hex. I would not wear her ring on my finger until I was actually divorced. Okay, so it wasn't an all that attractive piece of jewelry, but still, it was the symbolism behind it. I felt as though I couldn't wear someone else's ring on my finger while still legally bound to another.
It was different this time. When Fiance opened up that tiny box on bended knee, I wasn't thinking about pieces of paper or past commitments, I was thinking, "Oh shit, he reallydoeswannaspendhislifewithmeohmygodholyshitthisisglorious" and then I was crying and I felt ecstatic. And I let him put that ring on my finger and that was that.
My dissolution of domestic partnership will be final very soon. I am glad, so very relieved, that it will all be over soon. But you know, when I found out a year after the fact that two days before Hex and I signed our DP, she had given Ex a blowjob?? Well, it was like the DP didn't mean anything, since Hex had gone into it falsly. It took a lot away from how special I thought it was. So I am not sad per-say. I am a little quieter. More thoughtful lately, thinking about the end of a beginning, and the beginning of--well, not the end in an ominous way, but the beginning of something so wonderful, something so full of hope and faith, I don't think I can share that moment in front of people. So it might just have to be a small wedding.
Like, three people only.