What's Been Going On

I filed a Dissolution of Domestic Partnership at my local courthouse in May. The clerks did not know how to file it. "We've never had one of these!" said the clerk.

Hex filed for visitation rights to see my children. (Why? Because I won't let her see them.) We went to court about it yesterday, and among the more confusing statements out of Hex's mouth was this: "She won't let me see the girls because she says it's too hard to see me because she misses me!" Or some crap to that effect. Miss her? Hmm...I don't miss the sex, because I'm currently getting better. I don't miss the smoking, constant pot begging from friends, whining, lying, cheating, comments from the neighbors about why can't she leave them alone, over-emotional over-analyzing of everything, because it all annoyed me.
I won't let her see my daughters because she's not a good person. Maybe deep down inside, you say? Nah. I've figured out the reasons why I was with her for years...and let's just say, it wasn't due to her charming personality.

So we were referrred to mediation. I called to make my mediation appointment today. The conversation went like this:
Me: "Hi, I'd like to make my court-referred appointment for mediation!"
Clerk: "Okay, what's the father's name?"
Me: "Uhhh...no father?"
Clerk: "OH. You must be BrokeMom!"
Me: "Why yes, yes I am. Have you guys ever been through anything like this?"
Clerk: "Nope! This is groundbreaking for us!"

So, apparently this is the first same-sex divorce/visitation case they've ever had in this county. Which I think is kinda' cool. But rethinking it, maybe not. It means they'll do everything by the book and research other cases, etc. This will set precedence for any other case like this!
Go lesbian moms! This could be a step for equal rights all around!

Um, yeah. Except for the fact that I don't want my daughters around a psycho trailer-trash lying thieving bitch, everything would be great.

But I'll let you know how things go.

After Work Music

"Pieces"
From the moment that we met
My world was turned around,
upside down.
To some degree I still regret
my memory for keeping you around.
Girl I thought that you were mine,
but my broken heart's been shattered
one too many times.
And I don't want to see you anymore.
I'm just not that strong.
I love it when you're here,
but I'm better when you're gone.
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take,
There's no use in you looking,
there's nothing left for you to break.
Baby please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces.

Someone let you down again
So you turn to me
Your convenient friend.
Oh but I know what you're doing
And what you hope to find
I've seen it a thousand times.
Oh the fire we had before
are now just bitter ashes
left scattered on the floor.
rascal flatts

Lookit, Lookit!

Look what I got! Finally. I'll tell you the history on why this is so momentous...but I have to go play the piano right now...

Morning Music

"And I never tried to give my life meaning by demeaning you,
and I would like to state for the record I did everything that I could do.
I'm not saying I am a saint, I just don't want to live that way.
No, I will never be a saint, but I will always say,
Squint your eyes and look closer, I'm not between you and your ambition.
I am a poster girl with no poster, I am thirty-two flavors and then some."
ani difranco

Not Bored. Nope, Not Me.

I cleaned my garage today.
Did you fall out of your chair?

New.s.

New apartment.
New job.
New friends.
New boyfriend.
New activities. (New camping gear, whoo-hoo!)
New problems.
Is it any wonder that not many people hear from me?
No.
But what is strange, is that my friends who are just as busy as I am, (and by this I mean the ones with a career and/or children) seem to understand that we are only going to get to touch base a few times out of the month. And they're okay with this, because they have new.s. too.
I am setting up my life for the rest of it. And for those of you who don't hear from me much anymore...I'm doing a damn fine job of it.

Paper Doll

Paper doll
flimsy body torn in half
one side yearning to be good
the other, wanting so bad
to just be the girl who wants to be
paper doll.
Her face is one big ink smear
tears and dirty fingerprints
have smudged
into confusion
what wanted to be there.
Paper doll
taped up the middle in a new house
will continuously look down
at the wounds
and wonder if she'll ever be whole.

Outdoor Girl

Found a swimmin' hole and went swimmin'. Climbed over rocks and got dirty, yee-haw. It's like there's a whole world outdoors that I forgot about!

Don't Apply Spray Sunscreen After Shaving Your Legs

I went floating down the river today in a raft with my boyfriend and a cooler full of beer. We had some friends with us in their raft, which happened to have a leak in it. In their leaky raft was an air pump that didn't work.
Needless to say, I am home now, slightly sunburned, yet all intact.
I had a great fucking time.
No, seriously.

Brace Yourself

My daughters are away on visitation to their dad's 430some miles away. This means that my days are a little different. I sleep in about 30 minutes longer in the mornings, go to work, come home, and that's it. No, it gets worse.
There's nothing for me to do. No dinner to make, no one to tuck in or sing to, nobody to yell to, "Stop getting a drink and get your butt in bed!"
I was bored this evening when I got home.
Those of you that know me well had better grab a chair or something...
I scrubbed my kitchen floor. Oh yes, I did. On my hands and knees with a scrubby brush thing.


Because it's sure as hell not going to scrub itself. Now is it.

What She Said About Sex

I have a friend who told me something interesting one day. This was when I was trying to get over Hex, and after I was done lamenting about how good the sex was, and will it ever be good again with somebody else blah blah blah, my friend K told me this:
"Of course it will be good with someone else. It will be better sex than sex with Hex!"
(Does anyone else feel like reading Dr. Suess?)
So I wailed on about how nothing could ever top it and a load of other crap (do you see where this is going?) and K told me, "It just keeps getting better and better with other people." And I asked after that comment if that meant I should just slut it up until I died from orgasmic bliss, but she didn't seem to find that amusing. Huh. But she did tell me after that, something to the effect of...well, basically I think she meant that when I care about the person I'm with and not just "getting laid", then the sex will be as good as it is.
(Crap, now we're reading Alice in Wonderland...)
She was right. Which is freaking me out. I was always about the whole, "Oh, sex is sex. Love doesn't have to be involved. Orgasms are good." Which, to a point, is certainly true. And I know the Hex Sex was good because love was involved. But I knew that I was going to fuck other people. I would never have done it behind her back, which is one of the reasons why we are no longer together, but I wanted to sleep with other people. She didn't like it sometimes, but it was important to me. I didn't believe in monogamy.
When I thought it couldn't get any better, I was wrong. Way wrong. Wrong enough to admit it here in print.
I did start having sex with him on a purely physical basis. I thought he was hot and I wanted to fuck him, good. Great. But now I am seeing the appeal of a monogomous relationship <gasp!> with someone for a good long time. I don't feel the need anymore to spout my Monogomy Sucks Speech. Am I growing up? Sideways? What in the hell is happening here??!! It's kinda' scary.

Happy Trails To Me

We went camping this weekend. We being me, my two daughters, and my boyfriend. (And I have to admit, it is still weird to say that word, but I am trying...)
It was my five year old's very first camping trip. She absolutely loved it. She was an angel the entire time. I now know how to make her do what I say; allow her to sleep in a tent and eat marshmellows off of a dirty stick. She did tell us on the way up to the campsite, "We forgot to pack the shelf and the TV." As I don't let her watch much television, I have to assume she was kidding...

Trust and Other Issues

I was a control freak the past few years. I'll admit it. Sometimes, I'm sure I seemed quite psychotic. But I figured out that I was controlling because I didn't trust the person in my life. I tried to control everything Hex did because there was absolutely no trust in the relationship.
She lied to me, repeatedly, every day. She stole from me; money, jewelry, my self-respect. She cheated on me with my ex-husband. (Probably more than once with multiple people, but we'll leave that alone...) I didn't trust her, so I tried to control every little thing that I could so I'd feel like I was in charge of my life. But I wasn't.
Being in a relationship with another person has opened my eyes to a lot of different things I didn't see before. I thought I was just a controlling person. But I see now, that's not the case. I am perfectly happy not being in control, as long as I have trust. It is a glorious feeling to have unconditional trust in someone. I don't worry about my boyfriend (eek, I called him my boyfriend!) going out, because I know he'll be doing exactly what he said he would be doing. He comes home when he says he will, and if he's going to be late, he calls. If he says he'll "take care of it", whatever it might be, I know he will. I know he loves me, so I'm not worried when I have a "low self-esteem" day. He's there to hug me and tell me it will be better. And you know something? I believe him. How nice to have faith in someone again...

The Gossip Mill Goes Round and Round

Hex called me today. Apparently, there is a "rumor" going around that I am pregnant. This sounds strange to me, mostly because I don't talk to anyone anymore. Nope, too busy to have friends! Is it possible that someone unnoticed saw me and reported to Hex that I looked preggo? I mean, I have gained a little weight, but sheesh!
My other thought is that she was just making it up to have a reason to keep me on the phone a little longer.
In any case, it's a tad bothersome to hear that people allegedly think I'm pregnant, because I take my Pill regularly. Religiously! AND I just bought a truck that has no chance in hell of accommodating a carseat! When I bought the truck, I weighed out my options on the whole "baby" thing. I decided that I was not going to buy a truck and get rid of it later for another MommyMobile, so if I bought the truck, I was deciding not to have any more children. I was deciding that my children's "sibling unit" was complete.
So, for those of you reading who share with others, I'm not pregnant. Just fat. And I love my truck.

Joint Custody

Are things getting serious when you and the person you're dating start owning stuff together?
Together, we planted these...











And together, we take care of this little guy...






What is it about a man cuddling a kitten that makes me all gooey inside?

More Things I Learned at Work

When it comes to 'earned income', selling drugs and prostitution count. After all, you're providing a service and getting paid for it.

Things I Learned at Work

If you are highlighting a document (because you can) with a bright yellow highlighter, and then you wish to use white-out correction tape over said highlighted areas (again, because you can), the trick is to wait until the highlighter is dry before you put white-out over it. Which takes much longer than one would think.

Clueless People

You call someone who you used to have a relationship with, be it friendship or whatever. They're not home, so you leave a message on the answering machine.
No one returns your call.
You call again, talk to the answering machine.
No one calls you back.
A few days later, you call again, leave another message.
No one calls you back.
You might email the person, but you get no response.
So you wait a day or two and call again, again leaving a message.
No one calls you back.
Does anyone see a pattern here, hmmm?

If you don't see a pattern here, congratulations! You are a Clueless Person. Now stop calling me.

Hell Froze Over Today

I got my very first child support check in the mail today! I was shocked. Awed. Not that it was voluntary, they garnished his wages...but still. For the first time in five years, I have child support. I do believe that I am still in shock.

Unidentified Object

Someone at my house had a birthday. This is what I made for the birthday. If you can guess what kind of cake it is, I'll give you a prize.